Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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