i need an iv and a liver transplant
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She's the barista slut.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
