This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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