Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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