So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
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at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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