Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
