you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
