NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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