just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize