dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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