smell my finger.
she told me i tasted like america
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
