We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
