Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.