Texts From Last Night

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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you

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  (404): Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head (770): Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you http://tfl.nu/ibzk
  Replies (20) Good night (3930) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...

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  (320): im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it... http://tfl.nu/g5dr
  Replies (14) Good night (5678) Bad night (821)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"

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  (401): You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk" http://tfl.nu/xogg
  Replies (13) Good night (6158) Bad night (1038)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love

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  (773): We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love http://tfl.nu/dxz2
  Replies (17) Good night (8491) Bad night (1009)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret

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  (613): Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret http://tfl.nu/ksru
  Replies (53) Good night (1527) Bad night (2416)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.

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  (310): A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf. http://tfl.nu/8l3i
  Replies (2) Good night (1365) Bad night (812)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs

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  (815): I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs http://tfl.nu/01af
  Replies (6) Good night (1722) Bad night (836)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.

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  (814): My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order. http://tfl.nu/pxpo
  Replies (21) Good night (2653) Bad night (697)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us

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  (416): no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us http://tfl.nu/s0m4
  Replies (8) Good night (2147) Bad night (523)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Why am I always the sober one?

  (641): View more from Iowa

  Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...

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  (515): Why am I always the sober one? (641): Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power... http://tfl.nu/bz1n
  Replies (4) Good night (1722) Bad night (541)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.

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  (805): I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina. http://tfl.nu/lu11
  Replies (4) Good night (596) Bad night (969)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.

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  (770): The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park. (770): I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers. http://tfl.nu/217c
  Replies (2) Good night (477) Bad night (893)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.

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  (608): I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books. (608): I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night. http://tfl.nu/nd7e
  Replies (0) Good night (682) Bad night (418)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.

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  (512): The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount. http://tfl.nu/1v2k
  Replies (1) Good night (636) Bad night (246)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird

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  (518): Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird http://tfl.nu/877o
  Replies (0) Good night (42) Bad night (22)

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