Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.

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  (313): mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved. http://tfl.nu/u6ef
  Replies (3) Good night (842) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy

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  (708): Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy http://tfl.nu/5os8
  Replies (25) Good night (570) Bad night (2663) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.

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  (720): I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice. http://tfl.nu/dx9d
  Replies (16) Good night (4125) Bad night (570) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.

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  (203): I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now. http://tfl.nu/m857
  Replies (12) Good night (4356) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.

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  (515): Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn. http://tfl.nu/kzr9
  Replies (28) Good night (804) Bad night (5260) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?

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  (978): my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD? http://tfl.nu/bj44
  Replies (17) Good night (5125) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  my secret santa just gave me a pregency test

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  (360): my secret santa just gave me a pregency test http://tfl.nu/rgpa
  Replies (20) Good night (1166) Bad night (6236) Order T-Shirt
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.

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  (586): The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis. http://tfl.nu/rix3
  Replies (17) Good night (5001) Bad night (1018) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.

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  (817): I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe. http://tfl.nu/w5m0
  Replies (6) Good night (3550) Bad night (1606) Order T-Shirt
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.

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  (337): Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have. http://tfl.nu/wctv
  Replies (30) Good night (1425) Bad night (5792)
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  (510): View more from California

  Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"

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  (510): Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone" http://tfl.nu/xglm
  Replies (13) Good night (3148) Bad night (1298) Order T-Shirt
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.

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  (701): I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with. http://tfl.nu/j9h4
  Replies (4) Good night (1598) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  Oh god. Standing was a rash decision

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...

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  (914): Oh god. Standing was a rash decision (847): I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes... http://tfl.nu/8xp2
  Replies (1) Good night (1294) Bad night (424)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck

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  (412): I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck http://tfl.nu/1t6b
  Replies (16) Good night (709) Bad night (1143) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.

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  (310): Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure. http://tfl.nu/ptmp
  Replies (2) Good night (507) Bad night (190) Order T-Shirt

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