Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"

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  (586): The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain" http://tfl.nu/88as
  Replies (2) Good night (1911) Bad night (686)
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  (914): View more from New York

  No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.

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  (914): No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay. http://tfl.nu/14mn
  Replies (15) Good night (949) Bad night (6551)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT

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  (443): My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT http://tfl.nu/f0p2
  Replies (20) Good night (5349) Bad night (1082)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.

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  (630): You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem. http://tfl.nu/xqri
  Replies (18) Good night (4482) Bad night (1459)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs

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  (303): All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs http://tfl.nu/h4tc
  Replies (43) Good night (5324) Bad night (1342)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.

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  (503): I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties. http://tfl.nu/xw7t
  Replies (9) Good night (4888) Bad night (983)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.

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  (206): He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants. http://tfl.nu/v3dq
  Replies (51) Good night (8737) Bad night (1281)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?

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  (850): I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper? http://tfl.nu/y2i2
  Replies (7) Good night (1343) Bad night (3277)
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  (+33): View more from France

  Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee

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  (+33): Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee http://tfl.nu/uze3
  Replies (23) Good night (1095) Bad night (4426)
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  (760): View more from California

  running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.

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  (760): running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi. http://tfl.nu/0lmy
  Replies (6) Good night (2167) Bad night (1316)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.

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  (330): Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience. http://tfl.nu/lhjv
  Replies (8) Good night (2202) Bad night (649)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.

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  (914): Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played. http://tfl.nu/0gxi
  Replies (4) Good night (2518) Bad night (459)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face

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  (571): I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face http://tfl.nu/0ur8
  Replies (3) Good night (849) Bad night (354)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.

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  (570): Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM. http://tfl.nu/zh91
  Replies (0) Good night (514) Bad night (278)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao

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  (203): So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao http://tfl.nu/25uv
  Replies (3) Good night (603) Bad night (273)

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