She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink