fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I touched a dick in church today
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
