By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
