we're chasing vodka with high fives
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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