Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
