So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
