my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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