Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
well you can't waste a boner
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
