She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
