you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
