i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
