I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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