my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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