before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
