i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
