standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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