I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
