I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
