u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
