So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Farmville is her only friend.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
