Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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