Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
