Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
