i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
