I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
