you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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