Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
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He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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