Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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