someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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