fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
