a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
