Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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