Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
