Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
