Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
