I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the condom got lost in my hair
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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