Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Can I color on your dick again?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
