It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
