Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
