I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
