I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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