I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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