it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
