is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
