Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You left your phone here
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