well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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