I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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