Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
