i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
