you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
