I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
