u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
